Pre-marriage education, stages of marriage, marriage compatibility test
Pre-marriage Education
by
Janet Iwanow

Pre-marriage education is growing in popularity amongst civilly married couples. Until recently only those couples who married within a religious framework attended education courses but today there is a growing number of civil couples seeking out the experience of Pre-marriage Education (PME).

Pre-marriage education is not to be confused with counselling. The former allows the couple to assess their relationship prior to marriage and work on any areas that need strengthening whilst counselling usually occurs after the marriage when the couple realise that their relationship needs some assistance. However there would be some couples that may need counselling prior to marriage eg. incest and domestic violence victims, substance addicted partner.

Pre-marriage education offers couples the opportunity to look at issues such as:

• Roles - Traditional/Modern roles
• Common and Individual Life Goals
• Personality Match - likenesses and differences. How much tolerance is possible
• Financial Issues - money and related power issues
• Communication - How well can partners share with each other.
• Do you feel listened to?
• Problem solving - What did we learn about conflict and our families
• Can we fight clean?

Quite frequently couples who are already co-habitating do not see the need for PME. They believe that they know one another well enough. That is true - they do know one another in this role but not in marriage.

By living together couples hope to reduce the number of surprises in store for them in marriage. Unfortunately they cannot distinguish between co-habitation and marriage and fail to see the different factors at work in each. PME can alert them to this and allow them to set out new ground rules prior to the marriage.

The Australian Institute of Family Studies found that for those who lived together prior to marriage had a much higher divorce rate.

• 13% compared to 6% in the first 5 years of marriage
• 26% compared to 14% in the first 10 years of marriage
• 56% compared to 27% in the first 20 years of marriage

These findings have been supported by research in Canada, USA, Britain and Sweden.

The change in status catches many unawares and these people can definitely benefit from PME.

The other category where couples are hesitant to attend PME are those who don't want to bring up difficult issues and possibly upset their relationship. Difficulties do need to be looked at prior to marriage.

Divorce is both an issue of personal suffering and grief and a public issue amount to $3,000 million a year of taxpayers' money as a result of marriage breakdown.

It is important to look seriously at the relationship before marriage and to look further ahead than your wedding day. Remember that your special, wonderful day is but day one of your marriage so spare some time to prepare for the long term.

CONTACT
Tele: 07 3343 7823          Fax : 07 3219 2390           Email : janet@ohs.com.au

Pre-marriage education, stages of marriage, marriage compatibility test